Two kids is HARD

I’d love to sit here and tell you that having kids in general is a walk in the park… reality is it’s not, its hard work!
I’m a single mum of a 4-year-old Chloe-Mae and a 6 month old Maisie-Rose, at 23 I don’t know what I’m doing with my life the only thing I know is that im a good mum, but god damn its hard. I start asking questions like what is a lie in, and what is a late night because I’m ready for bed by half 8.
You know I used to wear jeans all the time, Now I wear jeans out and when I get home the first thing I do (after making sure the kids are okay) is take them off and put my pjs on; I’m not even joking.
I can’t remember the last time I went for a wee by myself or even a shower, without my 4-year-old coming in and trying the talk to me, or tell me to get off the toilet because she needs to go; and well you can kiss goodbye to baths I mean what are they! Because me having a bath is getting in with a bunch of kids toys trying to switch my brain off but that isn’t happening because I have 20 million jobs I need to do.. 5 minutes later I’m downstairs putting the washing on or making my eldest packed lunch for Pre school.
You can forget being on time as well and them cute handbags that you used to have turn into changing bags full to the brim of everything a 6 month old needs. you need new clothes, why not go shopping and come back with … a whole load of things for the girls and not yourself, because even though you’re treating them it feels like your treating yourself.
I don’t have many mummy friends and most of the time im by myself, with the kids, recently I have been seeing my eldest dad again – Maisie my youngest’s dad isn’t involved in her life – which is or was going good. But I have been on my own for so long its hard to adjust and allow someone back into your life and the kids, and sometimes I just want my own space.
I feel like im driving myself insane. I always get cabin fever and I just need to get out even if it’s for a walk to the shops and back, even though I don’t have the money to spend really.
I love my kids more than anything in the world and the 100% come first, but it is hard, no-one tells you that no-one warns you.
I wasnt ready for my second not at all but when they are here you have no choice but to take care of them and look after the other child at the same time, you can’t turn around and go “nope I’m out” hell I’d love to run away for a few days and sleep the whole time, but I don’t have that option I don’t have someone to look after and care for the kids. I’ve had to grow up but I chose this life I chose to have kids and I do not and will not regret my choice to do so.
I will cry and scream and pull my hair out, shout and stress, welcome to motherhood! But you put your game face on and walk out the door like you know what the hell you’re doing when in reality you havent got a bloody clue.

Holly

xx

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