My breastfeeding journey

Good morning All,

I guess I should start this post from when I had my eldest daughter, I was 19 when she was born, I really did want to give her the best start to life and decided that I would breastfeed her, but the pressure to breastfeed was so intense, I was practically forcing her to feed off me, I spent a night in hospital with her, and I have never felt so alone I was trying so hard to give her everything, that I felt like I was failing, whenever I pressed the buzzer for a midwife I got no one and I truly belive that this was the reason why I developed postnatal depression (which I will talk about in a separate post) I caved and started giving her formal feeds, when I was allowed to go home I think I breast-fed for about a week of so, they don’t seem to tell you how emotionally draining having a newborn is who is demand feeding constantly, I think I lost a bit of myself during this time, the pain when you have engorged boobs is like agony – nothing compared to labour – but still agony, I felt like even though I had people helping me, so alone, so as I said after a week I decided I was going to bottle feed and to this day I do NOT regret that choice, I feel like it was the best choice for myself, as soon as I made the change I started to feel myself again. 4 years on and I now have a healthy girl who was not deprived of anything through bottle feeding, so with my second I was adamant I didn’t want to breast feed, but would express and bottle feed her, I didn’t want to force her on to my boob like I did my eldest, its true what they say all babies are different, when I was giving her the feeds she would not take the bottle, during the night it was hard so again turned to formula which she didnt like at all and after every feed with projectile vomit the feed up, again I felt like the worst person in the world that I couldn’t do anything right, however she was rooting for my boob so after trying and failing to get her to sleep after a formula feed and what felt like the 40th outfit change in on night I thought f*** this im going to breast feed, and she took to it like an absolute pro, I exclusively breastfeed up untill 6 months, at first I didnt like the idea of getting my boob out in public, I didnt like people looking at me so I brought this kind of breast feed wrap, I soon realised that she didnt like something covering her head while she was feeding, I can’t remember exactly when the first time was that I just got my boob out and feed her with no cover but I can tell you now that I do not care, if people don’t like it they just look away, I’ve had some strange experiences while i’ve been out, I have a very fast let down which means that when my boobs get full the milk comes out like Maisie has turned a tap on and when she isn’t latched on it squirts EVERYWHERE, i’ve had people of all genders which me feed makes me feel so uncomfortable but I just learnt to look away, and I’ve even gone out without breast pads on and ended up with massive wet patches on my top while miles away from home.
over the past 9 months I have learnt a lot of things and the second time round my breast-feeding journey has been amazing I generally didn’t think I would last a month let alone 9, i’m super proud of myself and plan to continue feeding her this way untill she self weans.

a few things I have learnt
– don’t force it – you baby knows what they want, not all babies want the boob you have to do whats right for them, because whats right for them is what is right for you.
– DO NOT join them breastfeeding groups on Facebook – they just talk rubbish and they constantly slate people who bottle feed, sometimes boob isnt best
– don’t waste money on a breastfeeding cover for me personally it was a waste of money my daughter didn’t like it at all and now I never use it
– get decent breast pads I cannon expressive this enough, I have tried multiple brands over the past 9 months and I have to say the top brands are the lanoish ones and the boots own brand ones, I have also tried sainsburys which are rubbish, they hurt and feel like you are rubbing sand paper on your already painful boobs, and plus they don’t hold a lot of leaking milk.
Boots and the lanonish ones are bigger in size they are pre packed folded with two sticky tabs on them, which keeps the pad in place and can be worn for longer than 2 hours, which is a bloody bonus when sleeping because I don’t wake up in a puddle of milk.
– breast pumps is a must when breastfeeding especially if you constantly have full boobs like me, I have the tommee tippee electric one which is amazing only works with tommee tippee bottles but I have the latch ones and I just hold it on, to go with the pump milk freezer bags GOD SEND!

Untill next time

Holly x







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