goals

 

Its been a while..

The reason I started writing a blog was to kind of take the load off, in a sense.
After having my eldest daughter I suffered with postnatal depression,

postnatal depression
noun
  1. depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.

Which then has developed into anxiety. I am on sertaline, but I don’t want to be on any medication.
I have come to realise that I pass over everything and act like there is nothing wrong, when really I am crying out for someone to talk to.. thats where the blog comes in.
over the years I have :
– had my belly pierced
– had my medusa pierced
– had my nose pierced
– septum pierced
– multiple ear piercings
– chopped all my hair off
– dyed it a wacky colour
– brought a dog that doesn’t even live with me

why,

Why am I doing all this stuff, I ask this all the time, its almost to make myself feel better but that feeling lasts 10 mins, then its gone and I’m trying to think of the next thing I can do to make myself feel better. I act up put on this front to try and cover up the feeling like I cannot cope with my life.

I’m worrying about worrying unable to control my thoughts or feelings, which means I end up pushing people away that are trying to help me.
I live in a rented house, with my two kids, don’t have a full time job.
I have so many ideas about what I want to do, but I’m scared that I won’t succeed, then I just don’t do anything about it.
when really I just need to do it before I really do ended up doing nothing.

Every day I want to set myself goals, to accomplish, to help myself do things that I wouldn’t normally do because I’m to scared of the outcome, I don’t talk to mums at the school, they all look stuck up and older than me, when really I should be doing something to interact with them.
im going to stop with my impulsiveness, start doing things that I need to do or want to do.

so today my goal is to review a recent purchase.

its not easy and I understand that its going to be really really hard to get to where I want to be but I will not allow my anxiety to rule my life. and I hope this blog will help me do what I want to do. 

until next time

Holly xx

 

One Comment

  • Denis Huels

    I would like to thnkx for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I am hoping the same high-grade blog post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own blog now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a good example of it.

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