Its been a while..
The reason I started writing a blog was to kind of take the load off, in a sense.
After having my eldest daughter I suffered with postnatal depression,
depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.
Which then has developed into anxiety. I am on sertaline, but I don’t want to be on any medication.
I have come to realise that I pass over everything and act like there is nothing wrong, when really I am crying out for someone to talk to.. thats where the blog comes in.
over the years I have :
– had my belly pierced
– had my medusa pierced
– had my nose pierced
– septum pierced
– multiple ear piercings
– chopped all my hair off
– dyed it a wacky colour
– brought a dog that doesn’t even live with me
Why am I doing all this stuff, I ask this all the time, its almost to make myself feel better but that feeling lasts 10 mins, then its gone and I’m trying to think of the next thing I can do to make myself feel better. I act up put on this front to try and cover up the feeling like I cannot cope with my life.
I’m worrying about worrying unable to control my thoughts or feelings, which means I end up pushing people away that are trying to help me.
I live in a rented house, with my two kids, don’t have a full time job.
I have so many ideas about what I want to do, but I’m scared that I won’t succeed, then I just don’t do anything about it.
when really I just need to do it before I really do ended up doing nothing.
Every day I want to set myself goals, to accomplish, to help myself do things that I wouldn’t normally do because I’m to scared of the outcome, I don’t talk to mums at the school, they all look stuck up and older than me, when really I should be doing something to interact with them.
im going to stop with my impulsiveness, start doing things that I need to do or want to do.
so today my goal is to review a recent purchase.
its not easy and I understand that its going to be really really hard to get to where I want to be but I will not allow my anxiety to rule my life. and I hope this blog will help me do what I want to do.
until next time