Being a parent

Behind the scenes 

I would love to say that being a parent is rainbows and unicorns, but lets face it that is not the case, and all these mums who put a full face of make up on every day and look like a million dollars well congratulations Susan you must have a lot of help please send the maid round to help me out.

From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I think I lose my shit at least 20 times (thats a lie I loose it more than that on a daily basis).
My kids don’t get me wrong, I love them more than anything but they drive me bat shit crazy.
If its not them tipping all the toys out of the toy box for the tenth time in the morning (after I have just put them away) its them getting food on my floor, going in my cupboard and raiding them of crisps, cakes, cookies you name it, and when they have eaten all that they move onto the fridge.
I feel like i’m spending at late £100 every week just to stock up on food that I didn’t even get a look in on. 
And don’t even get me started on bloody colouring pens and pencils, I do love a bit of colouring but when I get pen on my walls or my BRAND NEW SOFA I pack it away.
Then there is slime which is the bane of my life, hate the stuff but Chloe bloody loves it, especially when its all over my floor she thinks its a right laugh, with me on my knees scrubbing at it while its just getting more and more stuck into the carpet.
I just want 5 minutes to myself, so I end up going outside for that 5 minutes alone to gather my shit together, but they follow me, they are always there, and the 5 minutes I want on my own, they end up with me going even more crazy.

i’m trying to write this post now and my eldest is standing in front of me going why did we get dressed, where are we going hello are we going out, I have to repeat myself 20 times because apparently “I don’t know yet” isn’t the right answer she expects me to know what were doing today and tomorrow, know whats for lunch and whats for dinner all at one time.
I mean I know us women are meant to multi task but bloody hell I can’t think of all that. 
My youngest, is wacking the laptop while i’m trying to type thinking its funny its not I’m not amused, but her cute face I cant get angry even she she’s screaming at me because she put a bag on her arm and cant get it off.

sometimes I think children lack common sense (thats because their kids holly) or maybe thats just my children.

its currently the summer holidays and I cannot wait for my eldest to go back to school, and anyone says they love the holidays is lying.
Everyday I have to plan what to do, and lets face it nothing is cheap nowadays, we have annual zoo passes which is great I love the zoo, but my youngest wont it in the buggy and she wont walk she wants to be carried, and she’s not light, my eldest runs off and acts like she’s in some youtube video, “hi guys welcome back to my channel” bullshit, your probably think oh thats so cute but no it isn’t when you’ve heard the same phase a million bloody times. 
We went Woburn safari the other day what a bloody joke that was £64 for 2 adults and 1 child, and the monkeys broke my windscreen wiper, yeah it was funny but now i’m thinking thats more money I have to pay out. 
Go to the park do something free you say yeah what a hoot lets go, and the kids are off running off the food I packed is all over the grass drinks are being throw at each other, the ball has been stolen by the dog in the park, and don’t even get me started on the play equipment, “push me on the swing” “push me on the round about” no fuck off I want to just sit and do nothing. I brought you here to burn energy I don’t need to burn energy i’m old and I will defiantly need a nap later.
Of course I don’t say that of course I push them on the swing, and the round about watch them go down the slide, and run after the dog that stole our ball.

Someone said the other day I never have my kids, I wish I didn’t have my kids all day everyday, it would be much easy what a chill life I would have. But I do, i’m the person running round the house like a headless chicken and shouting at the kids not to hit each other or not turn the outside tap on and make “muddy puddles” like Peppa bloody pig.

Being a mum is a full time job and I don’t think people who don’t have kids or even men understand that. I feel like I should be getting paid for all this. you decided this life is what I normally get told, yeah beryl your right I did I never said I didn’t love my kids or that I let them run wild but it is as hard as working anywhere infant probably harder. id love to watch my kids dad have them for a whole week all on their own. 
See you buddy i’m off on my hollybobs, be back in a week.
i’m sure id come back to them all living off take outs the house turned upside down inside out, back to front, nothing cleaned washed nothing out away.  
which is why I wont be doing that.

The washing is another subject all together kids go through clothes like I have loads of money to buy washing tablets, 3 clothes changes a day because the weather has changed or I want to wear something different.
It doesn’t go back in the drawer no straight in the washing machine, I feel like my life is loading the washing machine emptying it folding clothes and putting them away. Although that does remind me I have to unload my third lot of the day and hang it out, it is sunny today which is a plus, which means the clothes can be hung outside yay mum goals
The washing of dishes is next level I myself don’t have a washing machine, so everything is cleaned by hand, its draining its hard, and stressful, kids use plates for all sorts and then put in the sink because well mum will clean them. bloody lovely cheers kids. 

Shall we even talk about bedtime and bath time, the fact that kids think splashing is fun, no its not, I don’t want water on my walls or my floor, its not a swimming pool so please stop trying to swim in the bath tub, washing their hair includes shouting like i’m trying to drown them and screaming because the soap is in their eyes. no tears my arse.
bloody bath toys, yeah keeps them entertained but then you have to take them out the bath so you yourself can have a bath. its just alot of effort.
And then getting them ready for bed I feel like I chase them round my bedroom on my bed, and struggle getting their clothes on and blow dry their hair. and when they finally go to sleep after they have asked me to get them milk and water, do this and do that, I can chill, I can have me time.

Tonight I will be watching American horror story i’m on season 5 and I bloody love it, its the space and time I need to relax and chill after a day or pure manic horrid shouting.
This time this is the time that mum guilt sets in, the guilt of shouting at Chloe for doing something, getting annoyed at maisie for pulling her sisters hair, the time where I wonder did I give them enough kisses and cuddles today, did they even enjoy themselves, did I give them enough to eat and drink, did I make them laugh did they smile.

A mums job is never done, its a 24/7 7 days a week job, including bank holidays.
Its hard work its stressful, but having kids is a blessing no I dont regret having them no I don’t ever want them to leave me ever, do I want time out yet, do I want a full night sleep yes, but do I love my kids unconditionally hell yes.
I honestly wouldn’t have it another way 

until next time 



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