why I decided not to go back to work

Since I was 16 I have had a job, I have worked for retail stores, and pubs, and salons, in fact I even worked for a cleaning company for a while.

when my daughter who I had when I was 18 was 6 months, I returned to education where I studied beauty therapy, adamant that beauty was what I wanted to go into, however in the back of my mind it wasn’t.
Honestly I didn’t know what I wanted to do, I continued with my education and ended up doing nothing with it.

After I finished college I needed to earn more money than I was getting from my weekend job at Homebase. So applied to work in a pub on the evenings.
I was lucky I had my mum and my sister looking after my little girl while I was working 6-12am at the pub.
Im not going to say it was easy because it wasn’t, but I wanted to get some money behind me and my little girl for our future. 
After leaving this certain pub I went to work for another and then in the end decided to go into the cleaning business which didn’t last long. I seemed to flit from on job to another trying to decide what it was that I wanted to do, but nothing I was doing was ever right for me. 

It was at this point that Homebase had an opening for extra hours during the week, which meant I could drop my Saturday shift.
What I had noticed. from when I was working all the other jobs was I didn’t want to give up Homebase, the people I worked with were like my family, I started getting close to a lot of people, the only reason that I was wanting to leave was because of someone, but after seeing them move up the ladder of the company and in the end moving to another store, I decided it was the right move to accept the extra hours and change of contract. 

I started working Sunday 9-5 and then Monday-thursday 4.30-8.30, I felt like I had my life back, I got to spend all day with my baby girl and then work the evenings.
Yes I was missing out on putting her to bed but I was earning money that I hadn’t had before, money which meant I could buy her nice things and take her on day trips out.
I was so excited to move up the ladder and took the steps to do so.

But then it went tits up, in 2016 I became pregnant with my second child, I new there was no point in continuing with trying to work my way up the ladder, my manager didn’t seem interested in helping me and I wasn’t really enjoying work, I guess you could call this stage my bitch stage, I became well a bitch.
I hated customers I found them rude, which the were, I had grown men telling me I didn’t know shit because I was a girl.
I ended up having an argument with one because apparently he brought the wrong light bulb and it was my fault even though I told him which one he needed but he knew best. 
I even told a customer on the phone that they were a party pooper because they were moaning about the prom people in our car park, he made a complaint and I was called into the office and told off and guess what they gave the guy a £20 gift card because I was rude.
It was becoming a joke, customers were complaining and getting free shit for doing so, we were having to take back items because the customer was always right. a company I loved working for or did, was being shit and awful and I just hated it.
However the only reason I was staying there was because in order to get maternity pay I needed to keep working, and also I loved the people I worked with, like I said they were my family, my team leader and a lady I worked with on Mondays and Thursday they were my best friends, I could tell they anything about my life and in general just made me really upbeat on my shift, we would bring snacks in and talk and have a laugh, and go all women power on that night shift. I miss them even now.

I worked up until 2 weeks before my due date, I was given my return to work date as the 27 July 2017, which meant I had 9 months off,
I was happy, for 9 months I was happy, I didn’t have to go to work I got to spend time with my kids and I got to watch them grow up.
The 27th July came round so quick, I remember going into work a week before I was due to go back and told about all this new stuff and procedures that were happening, a new company had taken over just as I had left for maternity leave and they had new rules, things that we once did we didn’t do any more. 
Before going on maternity leave they promised me that I would get my old hours back, they then told me they couldn’t give me my old hours back I wasn’t happy with this at all, the just messed me around, I was annoyed and angry and needed to clear my head from the utter shit I was being told.

So me and my partner took the kids to toys r us in the afternoon, after my meeting and I remember crying saying how I didn’t want to go back at all, how I wanted to stay at home, that I hated customers and the place I worked at wasn’t the same place, I hated the managers and I didn’t know anything anymore. 

I spoke to my mum and she just told me to do it to quit and leave and not go back if I wasn’t happy, to not do it.
So I did I rang my manager and I told them I wasn’t coming back, they weren’t happy and I was glad they weren’t, they told me I should have given them more notice, I told them that they shouldn’t have messed me around I said that they didnt keep me in the loop during my maternity, wasn’t told about the new rules in place wasn’t told anything. I was annoyed at them, my managers were arseholes. they didnt care about the people who worked for them or the company they cared about meeting targets and not getting shit from people higher than them.
For 6 years I worked under multiple managers and there has only ever people 2 that I have got on with and who respected their staff, they have I believe moved onto other retail stores, (good for them)

I have honestly never felt anything like it I was free, I was finally able to say I felt good, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was happy. I was bloody happy, I didn’t have to go back to the shit place I worked I didn’t have to see the shitty faces of shitty customers who made shitty complaints, the only thing I was leaving behind where my friends and family that I had made over the 6 years I had worked there.  But I have no regrets. 

I became I stay at home mum, yes i’m on benefits so bloody what.
My kids get everything they need and i’m happy, and when i’m happy my kids are happy, I have got to watch my daughters grow up, I can walk my eldest to and from school, I have spent every single day of my youngest life with her.
Like I said I don’t regret a second of it.
i’m not bashing working mums, because my mum was one they are bad ass ladies and I give them my upmost respect, however that working life isn’t for me at the moment.
I want to see my kids and watch them grow up and when i’m ready I will go back to work. 

 The best thing about quitting my job and watching my kids grown is I have time to think, think about what it is that I want to do with my life, and thats become a midwife and I will do everything I can to get there and reach that goal. 

One thing I will say is, if anyone is ever thinking should I just leave my job because I hate it, bloody well go and do it, because honestly its the best thing I have done. 

until next time 

Holly 
xx

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